It was easier not to admit to myself that my childhood was painful. Easier to pretend everything was OK. Now I'm left with a bag of crap and I've got to deal with it.
It is quite tempting to ask to transfer to an office out of the country. I could make that happen. Just get as far away as possible. Never see my family of origin again. I know that's running away - so obvious.
But, it's all just to painful to handle. And it's too painful to not handle. I know I need to let it all go. There is nothing to be gained from hashing it out with a pack of narcissists. But I feel so angry and so alone. How will I turn it around and move on? I know that I need to set some boundaries and hold to them. I know I need to forget that about ever having that warm supportive family because I have not ever had that. I think the boundary lies within me. It's internal. It's how much I leave myself open to them, how much I think I need their love and approval. I know in my head that I don't need it live, but my heart keeps going back there.
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