but the ability to forget is the true token of greatness.
Forgiveness. It is such a difficult thing...something that is more for you
than the person or people you need to forgive.
I've kept myself stuck in a very bad place by not forgiving myself or my
family. I think I need to work on forgiving myself first. Maybe then I would be
able to see some light at the end of this. Right now I just can't see any good
in my family of origin (mother, father, sister, brother). I don't see how I'll
ever have any kind of easy or light relationship with them, much less anything
meaningful. I think about how I could have done something differently to change
that or how I could in the future do something differently or be a different
person. That's not the answer. I am the person I am. No more, no less. Perhaps
I just need to let myself off the hook for all of it. I've made and continue to
make all the effort...all the travel, the gifts, cards, etc. It's not that they
do nothing, but I've gotten a total of two visits (one from each sibling) in
the past 6 years. My brother does call occasionally and prior to his situation
they did write thank you notes. My sister's kids have NEVER written one. Not
one. Not an email, no calls, nothing. If it were not for package tracking I'd
think nothing was ever delivered there. It's not that I buy things they don't
want either...I choose from the birthday or Christmas list that is emailed
faithfully before each occasion. I think the message they are sending me
(particularly my sister) is that they just do not value me. So, I think I need
to stop for a while. I have tried to keep some kind of family link, but it's
not valued or not important or they just do not like me. It makes me very sad,
but I do need to move on.
No comments:
Post a Comment