Dear Niece/Nephew,

Over the years I've sent you cards and gifts for your birthdays and on Christmas.  Since I've always chosen the gifts from the list you sent and/or have made sure to send a gift receipt I assume that you've gotten what you wanted.  So I am a bit confused as to why you have never once sent a thank you note (card, email, text or even a phone call). 

If you don't want gifts on these occasions then you should consider not sending the gift list.  Or perhaps you received so many gifts it was just too burdensome to have to thank everyone. 

Do you realize that when someone gives you a gift it takes time to choose and purchase it, even when you've taken most of the guess work out of it by sending a gift list?  Sending a thank you text might take you 20 seconds.  That is significantly less effort than it took to purchase and send your gift. 

Can you make more of an effort in the future perhaps?  Or would you prefer to get no gifts at all?  Please do let me know.


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Does that sound too harsh?  Truth - I would never send it, but I needed to get it out of my head. 

I need to have a bit more positivity in my life.

So, here is my list of things I am grateful for today:

A sweet poodle nuzzling me in the morning
Bananas and nectarines that are just the right amount of ripe
The last few hot days of summer
Reading a good book and knowing I have 4 more to read when I am finished
Really good bread
Creamy European style butter
Sweet corn on the cob bought roadside from the farmer

Hmmm.  Most of my list involves food.  Yes, I love food and I love to cook.  Today or tomorrow I am planning to make these rolls:  http://ruhlman.com/2010/02/buttermilk-dinner-rolls/  I can't wait to taste them!

What if it's acceptance instead of forgiveness?

I think what I need to do is accept that my sibling relationships are just going to be unsatisfying.  Nothing I do will change it, because they are not going to change magically into people I like (or who like me).  So I am going to just back away for a while. 

So do I quit giving gifts to them?  To my nieces and nephew?  I NEVER get a thank you, not via phone, text, email or god-forbid an actual hand written note.  And if gifts are the only contact you have with a person, why bother?  Should I send a card?  No card?  Nothing at all?  It feels mean to send nothing at all or just a card.  But I absolutely dread having to shop for these people.  I suppose that means I should just send a card.  :-( 

He who forgives, ends the quarrel.

But is it a quarrel if no one is speaking or has even indicated to the other what the problem is?

What if that person has told others they are mad at you, but not you?  Then what? 

Well, I give up.  I refuse to ask my brother why he's mad at me.  Either he is man enough to pick up the phone and tell me or I guess we won't speak for now.  I don't have it in me anymore to take all the responsibility for the relationship.  I do this with my sister too.  And, I am similarly finished with her too.  But, until I forgive them I won't be free. 

What should I forgive them for though?  Being selfish, self-centered and spoiled?  Wanting to take far more than they give?  How do I forgive them for that?  I wish someone could help me with this.

Why can't I fit it all back in the drawer it came from?

My family being the it.  Generally when I visit my siblings it takes a small bit of time to get all the emotional stuff it brings up shoved back in the drawer and the drawer slammed shut.  This time, I can't seem to fit it all back in, I can't get the drawer shut.

I think I am a different person in my real life (non-family of origin life).  Or maybe it's that I am viewed differently.  People think I am capable, smart and fun.  I think my family views me as the unstable, not too smart and shy one.  I didn't attend a top college like my siblings did...frankly it wasn't possible financially at the time as my parents were divorcing.  And, I have always been on the shy side, although that has really changed over time.  Maybe the point here is that I have grown and changed, but I get tossed back to where I used to be when I visit.  Then it's hard to shove all the bad feelings it causes me to have about myself, back in the drawer.  This time was particularly bad because I flew across the country only to find out my brother was mad at me and have him treat me like I didn't exist.  My mom said I needed to think about my part in it?!  WTF???  He was mad because I expressed a viewpoint he didn't like.  And guess what, I am NOT going to change my viewpoint because someone doesn't like it.  And then there's my sister...she loves to look down on our mother.  I couldn't wait to get the heck out of there.  But, then I brought it all home with me and I've been trying to rid myself of it ever since. 

What do I need to do to extricate myself from it all?

Money will buy a fine dog

but only love will make her wag her tail.

Dogs are sweet, honest, loving, loyal, funny, happy and we should aspire to be more like them.  Sigh happily after finding a good spot in the sun on a lazy afternoon.  Put on your best smile and go for a run in the park.  Jump up and down when you see a friend by chance.  It's all out there, nothing hidden. 

Why don't humans give love freely?