He who forgives, ends the quarrel.

But is it a quarrel if no one is speaking or has even indicated to the other what the problem is?

What if that person has told others they are mad at you, but not you?  Then what? 

Well, I give up.  I refuse to ask my brother why he's mad at me.  Either he is man enough to pick up the phone and tell me or I guess we won't speak for now.  I don't have it in me anymore to take all the responsibility for the relationship.  I do this with my sister too.  And, I am similarly finished with her too.  But, until I forgive them I won't be free. 

What should I forgive them for though?  Being selfish, self-centered and spoiled?  Wanting to take far more than they give?  How do I forgive them for that?  I wish someone could help me with this.

A retentive memory is a good thing,

but the ability to forget is the true token of greatness.

Forgiveness. It is such a difficult thing...something that is more for you than the person or people you need to forgive.

I've kept myself stuck in a very bad place by not forgiving myself or my family. I think I need to work on forgiving myself first. Maybe then I would be able to see some light at the end of this. Right now I just can't see any good in my family of origin (mother, father, sister, brother). I don't see how I'll ever have any kind of easy or light relationship with them, much less anything meaningful. I think about how I could have done something differently to change that or how I could in the future do something differently or be a different person. That's not the answer. I am the person I am. No more, no less. Perhaps I just need to let myself off the hook for all of it. I've made and continue to make all the effort...all the travel, the gifts, cards, etc. It's not that they do nothing, but I've gotten a total of two visits (one from each sibling) in the past 6 years. My brother does call occasionally and prior to his situation they did write thank you notes. My sister's kids have NEVER written one. Not one. Not an email, no calls, nothing. If it were not for package tracking I'd think nothing was ever delivered there. It's not that I buy things they don't want either...I choose from the birthday or Christmas list that is emailed faithfully before each occasion. I think the message they are sending me (particularly my sister) is that they just do not value me. So, I think I need to stop for a while. I have tried to keep some kind of family link, but it's not valued or not important or they just do not like me. It makes me very sad, but I do need to move on.