Narcissistic Family System...

I read this article:  http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201105/the-narcissistic-family-portrait

It describes my family completely.  Particularly the lack of direct communication.  Yes, we communicate, but not to each other.  Generally about each other but not to each other.  But all of the article rings true. 

I think what is important for me to do is to accept that as a child I had no power to change how my family functioned.  And, as an adult I similarly do not have that power.  I cannot change my family of origin.  My fantasy family, the one I told myself I had, does not exist.  It never did, and it never will.  Thinking that if I just said or did the right thing that everything would suddenly turn out differently and that I'd have the loving, warm family I'd always hoped for was dysfunctional.  If I am going to create the warm and loving family I want, then giving up the fantasy family of origin is necessary.  Painful, but very necessary.

I'm not sure what the road ahead holds, but it has to be better than the one I've travelled.  I feel sometimes like I've survived my life, but not really lived. it.  That is sad.  I want better for myself.  I think I deserve better.  I hope I can figure out how to move beyond all of this to a better place.