I am feeling so low. I would like to shake this off and move beyond it but I can't seem to. I have lost what I never had again. Why does that hurt so much? I suppose I created a completely fake version of my family that loved me so I wouldn't feel so sad and alone. Now, I have lost that and I just feel so sad. Why am I worth so little to them?
I know in my head that I am a worthy person, but my heart just doesn't feel it. I know in my head that I am capable, functional and responsible - there are many people in my life who seem to think so. They employ me, befriend me. But none of those people are related to me. Maybe that's the answer...stay away from people related to me. Perhaps they are the ones who are not worthy?
Better to do a kindness near home than walk a thousand miles to burn incense. I need to focus on the home I have, not the one I never had. I need to feel sad for that little girl I was and then tell her it will be OK. That her worth is not determined by those people. I want her to understand that she did not cause it, couldn't control it and can't fix it now. I would tell her she is worthy of love, that she deserves to be treated well. Her sadness is keeping her from living the life she wants to have.
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